February 2012
When I grow up, I'm going to have my first kid...
itscalledbreakupcauseitsbroken:
yes.
So...
You thought I stole a letter from the mail pile. A letter that was addressed to me, so technically it isn’t even stealing.
I told you I didn’t take it.
You don’t believe me, so you rifle through my things and then go on a loud tirade about what a bitch I am, once a liar, always a liar, how I can go live with my boyfriend because I’m not going to be welcome here anymore,...
If Common Sense Was Used in Government and the...
Citizen: I don't believe in abortion.
Government: Then don't get one.
Citizen: I don't believe in birth control.
Government: You don't have to use it.
Citizen: I think gay marriage is a sin.
Government: Don't marry the same sex then.
Citizen: I want my kids to learn about creationism.
Government: Take them to church.
Rudy: Can I just slip it in there and give her a little sleepy fuck?
Simon: That’s rape.
Rudy: Are you sure?
Simon: YES!
It annoys me when people write HBD to someone.
I mean are you really too lazy to type out the full “Happy Birthday” to someone who’s supposed to be your friend? Come on now.
Confession #22
I can’t touch my toes without bending my knees.